This post.. its a toughie… How quickly a year goes by. Im not a big fan of november…Its always been a hard month for me. Its the month I lost my father, its the month this whole cancer ordeal started. But I thought I would take a moment to reflect on this year because at around this time last year I was long beach bound on my way to the GLAMOURCON convention in Chicago, and this was shortly after the EXXXTACY convention that I had attended.
I was on a flight headed to long beach when I suddenly started having severe chest pains..I was also freezing. I am tiny and and I am always cold so I didnt think anything of it but the shivers and the cold got so bad I was stiffened up and the flight attendants had to grab two big 1 litre bottles filled with boiling hot water and blankets to try and warm me up. I had no idea what was going on but was very scared. After landing in Long Beach, I headed to my hotel still in pain but it had gone down a bit I just chalked it up to muscle pain bought some a535 rub and started unpacking because nothing gets in the way of me my work and my fans. As the pain started to increase I realized I had to lay down and thought that maybe if I slept it off I would be ok but it turns out I wasnt. I had woken up out of sheer pain. I still went downstairs to the Glamourcon convention and I had to get rushed out of there to go to emergency.
After getting to emergency, I was rushed in they subsided my pain and proceeded to do a number of tests on me. After the tests came back they told me I had a tumour in my chest between my heart and lungs and that I had to get it biopsied immediately. I did a biopsy stayed overnight ( still thinking that id be able to attend the next day of glamourcon, thats just how my mind works). I hated leaving my fans and Wendy Fiore who I was next to and Jordan Carver too, they made the short few hours that I was able to attend worth it.
The biopsy was painful, but the news after a few days of waiting was that it was benign and that when I got back home to Canada I would have to see the thorasic surgeon and have the tumour removed. I felt relief yet was still nervous. Where did this come from ? What did I do wrong ?
I made my way back home to Toronto and saw the thorasic surgeon who ordered more tests and another Biopsy because there was some abnormalities. Thats when the news came, like being hit by a truck Xmas Eve he called me to tell me that in fact I have Cancer and I was misdiagnosed. The ground fell from under me and my whole world changed.
Its been a year since that painful trip in Long Beach, I know its silly but I just cant go back to that glamourcon, its too much of a painful memory. Maybe one day. Its been a year full of hospitals, pain, chemotherapy, radiation but also a year of strength, faith and hope. You guys have been there for me and I know you will continue to be there for me through this ordeal. You all know me, I dont quit, its not in my blood. I was born a fighter and will continue to fight.
You all know ive still been online rocking it and shooting and still going to conventions to meet my fans. You are all very very important to me and I wouldnt have it any other way. Speaking of which Ill be online at the free fanclub all week long so get your free screenname now and join me !
Thanks for taking this moment to reflect with me. I learned a lot this year. I wouldnt change it. Its bitter sweet but this has made me see things so differently. Hugs and Kisses
Here are some pics from the convention last year